The Importance of Being Prepared at All Times

Slept late last night. Stayed up watching movies which I had already recorded (which somewhat defeats the purpose of prior recording), but what the hey. I go on and on about how I feel tired in the afternoons, yet I know I would feel much better if I turned in earlier.


Woke up this morning with an incredibly hoarse throat. I wondered what the heck, but ignored it. Had a vague recollection of waking up in the middle of the night, my room lights being on and having everyone in my room. So I asked Xandra what happened, and it turns out that I was screaming the house down in the middle of the night. Having successfully woken up the neighbourhood, I bolted for the stairs, before actually getting my bearings.


Did I mention I had only panties on? Can you say mortification???


New Mandate:
i) always bathe before bed so as to comfortably sleep in layers.
ii) sleep with room door locked.
iii) tie ankle to bedpost prior to lights out.

Still Hung Up?

I still dream of my ex. Not daydreams or anything of that sort, but proper night-time dreams. when i get a text from a foreign number i can't identify, he's the first person that comes to my mind. I haven't the foggiest why, considering his number is saved. I vaguely wonder sometimes if i haven't met anyone i'm "interested" in cos i'm still hung up on him. Or are guys who can get my attention for more than 10 mins really that short on supply in this town?

FT Lee's of the opinion that i'm rather too choosy when it comes to guys. To you i say, I most CERTAINLY am not! I could go for someone who's on steady pay, good looking, eloquent, all that rot. Yet, all i'm asking is someone who isn't ugly, shorter than i am, and who understands up to half of what i say. Knowing how to scratch my funny bone would be a big plus, yes.

So to this end, i went out for lunch with Cee. He seems ok. I must say, i am biased against his tribe in general for some particular traits, but i make efforts to see beyond the surficial, so hey. I must say, my initial impulse as lunch hour came round was to bolt for the hills. I mean, i didn't know where we were going. With unfamiliar territory, bailing out would require some effort, and I was thinking minimal all the way. As it turns out, my "friends" are all for getting me back in the running (i don't deplete them emotionally that much do I?) so that did shove me a tad much. All in all, it was ok. I suppose. But I'm not much for overcrowding - especially in early stages. For some reason, i'm turned off by someone who sends me goodnight messages (which he does. a lot. he even asks that i call him when i get home. Seriously? I don't even know if i want to be a friend yet). Anyways, when you're my boyfriend, that's sweet, and it's your duty so to speak. But i find i feel he's crowding me. Xandra is of the opinion that he's just being nice, and i'm being paranoid. Perhaps i'm super-imposing. It all brings to mind a previous amourer who used to choke me with late night calls and messages. Granted, he wore me down with time, but i just got used to it. We still didn't date. I think what i need is a/some point/s of attraction. Or in my father's words, lower my standards (that is a direct quote). Imagine.

Ah me!

Oh! To Feel The Feelings They Feel!!

I find that i'm in love with the idea of being in love. i know this for a certainty, not just because i've been binging on romantic movies back to back, but also i know for a fact that i AM not ready for a relationship just yet. Besides, it's all about feeling the feelings, not being with anyone in particular. Just like when i think about what i would like my wedding to be like! The dress is the main focus (of course. One would think that it would be the ceremony itself. hmmmm....). The bridesmaid dresses come in if i'm sharing my think-thread with someone else at the time, the ceremony (vaguely), the size of the party attending (hopefully less than 400 heads - if the father permits), and such. However, i find that the groom is no where to be found more often than not, and where present is just some blank-faced male, in a non-clearly (visually) defined suit. is that a general theme, or am I just the odd pod? Priorities, priorities....

What is it, really, about it all that we desire? Logically, it's simply the company we want. Given time, even the best of persons will find the perfect thing to drive you up the wall. Yet singlehood can be both fun and a drag, depending on the season. Likewise, amor can be the heights and the pits, depending on the cycle. A possible solution? Stay single but have yourself a close friend of the opposite sex whom you can feed off emotionally (yet UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE should you consider even contemplating toeing the boundaries of platonic relations. That just introduces new elements into the equation and before you know it, its one of those random "I don't know how it happened, but we just sort of slid into dating" scenarios. Very bad hook-up story to tell your kids).