Where's my Get-Up-And-Go Gone?

It has been brought to my attention that I have a serious discipline problem which I need to sort out. Discipline to not procrastinate. Discipline in my prayer life. Heck, discipline in my diet!

My applications are still not in yet because my reference letters (which I've been trying to get for the better part of 3 weeks) are pending, thanks to "NEPA" and "no diesel for generator". And now ASUU is on a 2-week strike. I would never have thought I would somehow be subject to that issue again. If only I had sorted that out since March. Hmmm....

My weight, my weight. Yes, it is quite removed from where it once was. Now I have to be extra hard on my eating. And exercising. It's ever so hard, being hard on one's self. Ah me! Whatever the case may be, my initial struggle shall not be in vain, so its buckle-down time.

Regarding my prayer life, my first impulse is to say "only the Lord can help me". But honestly, I'm just lazy. I have been given everything I need. I just need to apply myself.

All in all, I've cut a dissapointing figure thus far. I simply must change things else, nothing is going to come to me.

Mixed Emotions

FEELING YELLOW

Hilarity

(Def.): Watching the sparks fly as my parents, in conjunction with my great Aunt, try to hook Zandra up with Bitrus.

(Okay, that's not his real name, but its IS affilated to it. Narf!)

It all started one sunny afternoon, when Zandra calls me to steam off about how daddy dearest gave her number to Great Aunt, who passed it on to some "random guy" to hook up with. He called, she no pick, he called, she no pick, he call Aunty to report, who escalated is only so rapido to the Rents, who took it up with Zandra, who doesn't handle pressure so good, and had a mini-implosion.

In the end, after much scolding, repremanding, (on the part of the parents, which soooo did not help their case) and more placating and pyching (on our part, mostly cos I'm the one who gets an earful from the Rents when their way is not working), she finally went out for dinner. Turns out he is easy on the eye, has a good job, and is something smitten by Zandra. Of course she says she's not interested, but at least, I'm not the only one guilty of not "grabbing a good thing infront of me now". Ha!

FEELING GREEN

Traumatized

(Def.): Life-time marring which happens when you walk past your parents' room and see your daddy's hand on your mummy's ass.

Congratulations on being in the room. Now all you have to do is close the door.

FEELING BLUE

Sad

(Def.): Not wanting to get out of bed, off the couch, or generally move at all after finding out that I've gotten yet another school rejection.

Truly, I know it's all part of the job/school hunt, and I will obviously get more down-turns than acceptances, and there are people who have been job hunting for over 6 years with no success. I AM fortunate. I have a job, a rent-free abode, free food, (mostly) free car, and things. Lord I am thankful. Please help me to appreciate the blessings you have given me, and not dwell on what doesn't seem to be working out the way I would rather it did. Amen.

Lord, I'm still waiting on that job/chool/everything else. I know it will come.

Disappointed

(Def.): What I felt after my supposed "big brother" started hitting on me, and trying to get me to make out with him. (and that's putting it mildly).

How could he do that??? Well, I have my own share of the blame. I was just so comfortable with him, and its been years and years of that line of relating, I just never thought he would suddenly wake up one day and see that I'm not asexual after all. But even if.

And now I feel I've lost a friend.

Confused

(Def.): Wondering how on earth guys can be so selfish and cruel when it comes to female relations.

Honestly, it's a two-way thing, yes. Yet, I can only work with what I know. The whole Pisser-saga left me rather skewered, so I cannot even start to imagine how girls feel when they really start off with their hearts on their sleeves (which is terribly non-wise), get attached really fast, hop into bed with Bros, and wonder at how things go downhill suddenly.

I have to say, it doesn't help me get on with my life if (the same) friends keep asking me (repeatedly, each time we see) about him. "Has he called?" (No he still hasn't. That was an established fact eons ago. Yes, he sucks lemons.), "in fact, he's not worth it!" (No, he is not. So please help me not remember him for longer periods of time). And the most popular: "Did you shag him? Did you sleep with him?? I hope you guys didn't go all the way, else I will smash something on your behalf!". I truly do appreciate your rage on my behalf, and also all the females across the world, but no, I didn't. It was just the mercy of God, and I am so thankful I didn't, because I probably would still be in emotional Intensive Care at this point.

The latest cause of this? Furaira, somehow miraculously investigated and found out how long he's been back in town, how he's been seen with some female, how he's such a b*****d, how I better not call him. Girl, I am pro-active - deleting his numbers reduces the likelihood that I will call, and yeeees, he is obviously (as I gathered way back) Just Not Into Me. Let me let go.

Optimistic!

I dream of being a better person, more everyday whom Jesus knows I can be.

I dream of a world were we are more concerned about others, and less ourselves.

I dream of someday taking vows to walk with a man for the rest of my days. Love, Honour and Faithfulness. I dream of having someone to love, who will love me too, whose children I will have, with whom I will raise a family.

I dream of when I will be financially capable of providing for my parents, so they will have to think up new issues to worry about.

I have no special skill or talent (to the best of my knowledge). I am not amazingly intelligent or smart. What I do have is my God in my heart, and an ability to make others smile. I would share this with the world around me, and make it a brighter place.