What exactly is the definition of giving up? And just how fine or broad is the line between the aforementioned and opting for a different direction/approach/view on things?
After receiving my penultimate school rejection (5th of 6), I informed the Mother that I wouldn't be applying to anymore schools, as I felt it was time for me to look into improving my educational lot in other fields (IT? I think not. Hooking up with Xandra's Sewing Set-up-shop dream? Plausible, feasible. Anthing else? Ummm...). She is of the opinion that I'm giving up. I insist I'm simply looking for alternate route to the same end. See, my Life Plan dictates that I be financially independent of my husband. (Version 1.0 dictated that I be married/at least engaged at this point of my life. This has, of course been subsequently updated and modified severally). I had dreamt of actually making good use of my degree, but if that isn't working out, I figure there is more than one road to Oz.
***Of course I'm still applying to more schools against next year again (Year3. Lord, please help me to get a start-off, or find my way). But at least I was able to draw the line at 4 US schools, and 1 Australian***
I have also decided to apply my newly procured bit of wisdom to other areas of my life, where applicable. After much resistance, imploration, persuation, abusation and other such, I have finally relented and consented to give Bob a try. Calm down, calm down. I'm still me, so its going as a 6-week try-out. To this end, I made a trip to Las Gidi to spend the weekend. I find I still don't know how to relate with him outside third parties - which is just weird, because we talk just fine everyday on the phone. (Or he calls everyday). I wasn't planning on alerting him to my current stand, yet like more-or-less every male I know, he's been trying his luck, and seems to have well-adapted to my newly available forthcomingness. I must say, the whole intensity of his liking is rather whelming. Yet, I made a decision, so I fought against my impulses to draw my hand away when he tried to hold it (which was like on the hour, every hour), move my feet away, let him know his staring at me is discomfiting (ok, I did mention that one to him), etc etc. Day 1 was not so hot, and Miss Chaperone was strongly on my case (Was I supposed to be along with him all weekend??? Ha!). So I prayed, and played nice on Day 2. He was much happy, so was Chaperone-ji, and I kept praying for perseverance and steadfastness. Yesterday eve, just when I noticed he hadn't called me, and was making some effort to not crowd me in (Kudos to him), he called. (Rescinding prior appraisal). But I realise that if I actually was into him from the get-go, all these would not be issues at all. Rather, I'd be basking in all the adoration, so I'm taking a deep breath, and making for an open mind.
Wish me luck.
1 comment:
Schools: you can still get to practice what you studied so that dream isnt'd dead. It's good that you are opening up to other areas etc it all will make you a more versatile person.
Helping Xandra with her dream is a great and exciting challenge cos as you do so you are not only helping her attain her dreams but setting the building blocks for yours!
I wish you grace!
however with bob, is this going against your better judgment? you still sound like you'd rather not try, when you feel you can't handle it, dont put yourself under undue pressure.
keep doing the things you love doing, with an open mind you could discover more.....and pray.
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