Optimistic!

I dream of being a better person, more everyday whom Jesus knows I can be.

I dream of a world were we are more concerned about others, and less ourselves.

I dream of someday taking vows to walk with a man for the rest of my days. Love, Honour and Faithfulness. I dream of having someone to love, who will love me too, whose children I will have, with whom I will raise a family.

I dream of when I will be financially capable of providing for my parents, so they will have to think up new issues to worry about.

I have no special skill or talent (to the best of my knowledge). I am not amazingly intelligent or smart. What I do have is my God in my heart, and an ability to make others smile. I would share this with the world around me, and make it a brighter place.

Time Off

Birthday is on the horizon... 2 weeks and counting. Also going down as the first day of my leave. Let's hear it for the breaks!!!!!


Since my last (two) update(s), I have:
a) Not been taken for the job for which I underwent an interview. Things happen, life goes on. It was just God's grace that I moved on the way I did, for all my hopes and plans in this one. Even I was amazed.
b) Have reconcluded that guys (and humans in general, of course) are just selfish asses.

Conclusion of b) came by due to the lack of communication on the part of the said nigga whom i was supposed to be all crushed up about (and boy, did that clear fast). See: Today I met the Boy I'm Gonna Marry. Thanking God for his mercies, I won't be marrying him anytime soon, if ever. The source of my greivance? There I was, minding my business, not asking for anyone's time or issues (tho, of course, a girl does enjoy attention). He came along, expressed his intentions, got me all interested and rose-tint eyed, then proceeded to leave town and just cut off. No emails. No calls. No sms'. Just a whole lot of nothing. I have gone from confused to vexed to amused (see? I should NEVER act on crushes! whenever will I learn to listen to me???), back to pissed. Right now, I should be someplace between moving-on and moved-on.


I know he's going to come back into town, just swing in with some crap of an excuse, and try to hit off where he left off. That would make me think so much less of him (yes, that is still possible at this point), and will piss me off some more. My main issue is this: Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If he just wanted a passing amusement, heck, I'm princess of Flirtdom. Hang out, chill, (mostly) anything goes. But he cooked up so much stuffing and all that just turned into hot air. My problem here is that I'm left with all the thoughts and dreams.

Friggin pisser!

Anyhoos, I've been gingering myself not to dare give in to the "plausible explanation(s)" that may or may not come. On the whole, I mostly hope he just forgets all about me and keeps the heck to himself. More like keeps on not remembering me and just leave me be. That should be pretty much an easy thing for him, since he's done it so well the past month.

Jai Ho!

I'm finally on the other side of 08.04.09. While it wasn't a particularly long day, it was a long wait, and now, the interview is done and over with. All I gotta do is pray I don't hear from them inside of two weeks. Amen to that!

Lag has been fun. Well, at least the yesterday was. Moving around jobless with nothing to do but make a couple of deliverys and chill is fun. At least in small doses. Its reminiscent of being done with school for a while and being on holiday. Yay!

Glad I'm heading back home today tho. Back to work again tomorrow.... Darn thing eating into ma holiday!
there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home....

Monologue: Do Not Jump The Gun

Memo to self:
Until the condemned man has pegged, he is still not dead.


I think there may be more than just a little wisdom in keeping things to yourself till they are set in stone. Anything can change at any point in time, granted. Yet, is it really bad luck to declare ahead for what you want?


In a fit of wisdom, a sumbori once told me "You can't do the same thing over the same way and expect different results". As applicable to me, I think that would be "If it's going down the same road, it most likely will end up crashed into the wall at the end". Unless there's a detour of sorts ... .... So what I would be needing is a new variable in the mix (like I didn't know that already). And where variable is not forthcoming, you bring the mountain to it? entice it out of its hole? Or better yet, smoke it out! Choke that shege into action!!!


Lol.


Okay. But on the real, I need to stop over acting, and yet not sink into scheming.

Today I Met The Man I'm Gonna Marry.....

The girl is officially in Like.

He is soooooo cute. I could stare at his picture all day. I've just realised that I've so mostly shenked most of my "man friends" over the past month. lol!

I can't believe its just been a month. It feels longer. And I actually do want to spend all my time with him. Honestly, I strongly feel I should, at least while the feeling lasts, before he starts grating on my nerves with silly inconsequentials that shouldn't really matter.

*sigh*

Well, he's been gone a week, and I'm doing just fine. I know I won't realise how much I've missed him until we see. I'm actually contemplating pushing my leave till when next he gets off so I'm free. (Not like HE will be free for me sef. I should find a something to do with myself. A nice, leisurely, enjoyable something).

Indifference

I had a friend once mention that the one thing that scared him about his girl was her indifference to a lot of things. Things didn't quite work out between the two of them, but I can see where he's coming from. There was this one guy who I had a date with one evening. I was closing late that night and the plan was he'd come get me from my office. He was a half hour late and I didn't even blink. I didn't call him to find out where he was - in either a worried or aggravated mode. Instead, I simply left. I actually saw him drive into the premises just as I got out the building, but my reaction was to duck out of sight, speed out of the gate, and switch off my phone.
I thought about what I'd just done as I walked on looking for a taxi home, and I remembered the said friend. I was indifferent. And I felt for the poor guy (who, apparently, had a moto break down, and was too preoccupied with fixing to call) who I had welshed on (really, it was to watch a match, which he would still do without me - he even came with a guy buddy to get me, so no biggie).

I wonder about all my 5-minute crushes, and these days I find I think more of the poor (? are they really?) guys and how I just might be a tad selfish. I mean, by the end of our first hang out, I may not know for sure, but I will be well aware of the (un)likelyhood of our making it into dating. But hey, I enjoy the attention, and they seem happy to dish, so I can enjoy it all while my beauty lasts right? In my defense, my conscience won't let me be, so most times I actually do get round to mentioning that it's not going to happen. No wait. What DOES happen is that I mention they won't be getting none ever in the near future seeing as I'm not into pre-marital sex, and then enjoy the leftover attention as I watch their ardour cool off as they slowly come to the comprehesion that NO, I'm not playing hard to get, and YES, if no-sex is an issue for them (which it always is, so far) they will not be making any head-way with me.
I think I'm actually in a 50/50 expectancy phase these days, cos I know there are guys out there who are christian, who strive to be faithful to the LORD's precepts in all its entirety, but really, where are they?!? Or perhaps there's something about my demeanour or counternance that is not calling to what I'm looking for... Or I'm looking for the wrong things?

Zandra's of the opinion that I just hide behind the crushes for whatever reason. What can I say, I'm just not feeling the guys? And she's very determined to see me "not blow it" with whoever, as long as I sha get to meet and acknowledge that I like any one guy. Most up front contender right now is Bami. He's been around for ever, and has just not made any verbal commitment. These days however, he's getting somewhat huggy, hand-holdingish-for-ever-so-brief-many-moments. In his favour, I'm not indifferent to him. But I'm not exactly enthralled either. On one hand, I know reality don't work with the music, and people singing and dancing on the streets, but I think I'm still holding out for even if its a little part of that. Getting with Bami will be more of "Okay, he's alright, and we get along, so I'll just move with the flow and see how it works out". Its a pretty common place choice, and he's rather nice.

On the other side, I met me another sumbori. His name's Asuquo (I know, I know. But then, the whole book cover judgement thing, ya?). He made a funny right off the bat, so he had my attention. We had a lunch which was fun, and there's possibly another outing in the offing. Unfortunately, he's into the whole 6 weeks on/off work scenario, so that could be a bummer, but we could be great hang-out buddies, yeah?

....

I've learnt that it is SO SO much easier to judge people in certain circumstances, until we find ourselves in them. Being caught up on the "other side" has taught me to be more considerate of people's strengths, or their lack thereof.

But all the same, why does it come so easy to point the finger? Read up a blog earlier which had some comments on Ini Edo, and some people commenting on her "runs"essness. Firstly, I didn't even know that, but then that's history. So YES, "such" girls get married first. YES they get good husbands, and YES the allegedly good ones tend to be left behind being bitter about why they're still single yet. Quite frankly, if you're going to harp on about the situation and not invest your energies in a more profitable fashion, then go figure.

In summary, judge not that ye may not be found wanting by your own standards. I know my sins, and quite frankly, we should all be more conscious of our own short-comings, and work on them instead, that we may not all end up in Hell.