Where's my Get-Up-And-Go Gone?

It has been brought to my attention that I have a serious discipline problem which I need to sort out. Discipline to not procrastinate. Discipline in my prayer life. Heck, discipline in my diet!

My applications are still not in yet because my reference letters (which I've been trying to get for the better part of 3 weeks) are pending, thanks to "NEPA" and "no diesel for generator". And now ASUU is on a 2-week strike. I would never have thought I would somehow be subject to that issue again. If only I had sorted that out since March. Hmmm....

My weight, my weight. Yes, it is quite removed from where it once was. Now I have to be extra hard on my eating. And exercising. It's ever so hard, being hard on one's self. Ah me! Whatever the case may be, my initial struggle shall not be in vain, so its buckle-down time.

Regarding my prayer life, my first impulse is to say "only the Lord can help me". But honestly, I'm just lazy. I have been given everything I need. I just need to apply myself.

All in all, I've cut a dissapointing figure thus far. I simply must change things else, nothing is going to come to me.

Mixed Emotions

FEELING YELLOW

Hilarity

(Def.): Watching the sparks fly as my parents, in conjunction with my great Aunt, try to hook Zandra up with Bitrus.

(Okay, that's not his real name, but its IS affilated to it. Narf!)

It all started one sunny afternoon, when Zandra calls me to steam off about how daddy dearest gave her number to Great Aunt, who passed it on to some "random guy" to hook up with. He called, she no pick, he called, she no pick, he call Aunty to report, who escalated is only so rapido to the Rents, who took it up with Zandra, who doesn't handle pressure so good, and had a mini-implosion.

In the end, after much scolding, repremanding, (on the part of the parents, which soooo did not help their case) and more placating and pyching (on our part, mostly cos I'm the one who gets an earful from the Rents when their way is not working), she finally went out for dinner. Turns out he is easy on the eye, has a good job, and is something smitten by Zandra. Of course she says she's not interested, but at least, I'm not the only one guilty of not "grabbing a good thing infront of me now". Ha!

FEELING GREEN

Traumatized

(Def.): Life-time marring which happens when you walk past your parents' room and see your daddy's hand on your mummy's ass.

Congratulations on being in the room. Now all you have to do is close the door.

FEELING BLUE

Sad

(Def.): Not wanting to get out of bed, off the couch, or generally move at all after finding out that I've gotten yet another school rejection.

Truly, I know it's all part of the job/school hunt, and I will obviously get more down-turns than acceptances, and there are people who have been job hunting for over 6 years with no success. I AM fortunate. I have a job, a rent-free abode, free food, (mostly) free car, and things. Lord I am thankful. Please help me to appreciate the blessings you have given me, and not dwell on what doesn't seem to be working out the way I would rather it did. Amen.

Lord, I'm still waiting on that job/chool/everything else. I know it will come.

Disappointed

(Def.): What I felt after my supposed "big brother" started hitting on me, and trying to get me to make out with him. (and that's putting it mildly).

How could he do that??? Well, I have my own share of the blame. I was just so comfortable with him, and its been years and years of that line of relating, I just never thought he would suddenly wake up one day and see that I'm not asexual after all. But even if.

And now I feel I've lost a friend.

Confused

(Def.): Wondering how on earth guys can be so selfish and cruel when it comes to female relations.

Honestly, it's a two-way thing, yes. Yet, I can only work with what I know. The whole Pisser-saga left me rather skewered, so I cannot even start to imagine how girls feel when they really start off with their hearts on their sleeves (which is terribly non-wise), get attached really fast, hop into bed with Bros, and wonder at how things go downhill suddenly.

I have to say, it doesn't help me get on with my life if (the same) friends keep asking me (repeatedly, each time we see) about him. "Has he called?" (No he still hasn't. That was an established fact eons ago. Yes, he sucks lemons.), "in fact, he's not worth it!" (No, he is not. So please help me not remember him for longer periods of time). And the most popular: "Did you shag him? Did you sleep with him?? I hope you guys didn't go all the way, else I will smash something on your behalf!". I truly do appreciate your rage on my behalf, and also all the females across the world, but no, I didn't. It was just the mercy of God, and I am so thankful I didn't, because I probably would still be in emotional Intensive Care at this point.

The latest cause of this? Furaira, somehow miraculously investigated and found out how long he's been back in town, how he's been seen with some female, how he's such a b*****d, how I better not call him. Girl, I am pro-active - deleting his numbers reduces the likelihood that I will call, and yeeees, he is obviously (as I gathered way back) Just Not Into Me. Let me let go.

Optimistic!

I dream of being a better person, more everyday whom Jesus knows I can be.

I dream of a world were we are more concerned about others, and less ourselves.

I dream of someday taking vows to walk with a man for the rest of my days. Love, Honour and Faithfulness. I dream of having someone to love, who will love me too, whose children I will have, with whom I will raise a family.

I dream of when I will be financially capable of providing for my parents, so they will have to think up new issues to worry about.

I have no special skill or talent (to the best of my knowledge). I am not amazingly intelligent or smart. What I do have is my God in my heart, and an ability to make others smile. I would share this with the world around me, and make it a brighter place.

Time Off

Birthday is on the horizon... 2 weeks and counting. Also going down as the first day of my leave. Let's hear it for the breaks!!!!!


Since my last (two) update(s), I have:
a) Not been taken for the job for which I underwent an interview. Things happen, life goes on. It was just God's grace that I moved on the way I did, for all my hopes and plans in this one. Even I was amazed.
b) Have reconcluded that guys (and humans in general, of course) are just selfish asses.

Conclusion of b) came by due to the lack of communication on the part of the said nigga whom i was supposed to be all crushed up about (and boy, did that clear fast). See: Today I met the Boy I'm Gonna Marry. Thanking God for his mercies, I won't be marrying him anytime soon, if ever. The source of my greivance? There I was, minding my business, not asking for anyone's time or issues (tho, of course, a girl does enjoy attention). He came along, expressed his intentions, got me all interested and rose-tint eyed, then proceeded to leave town and just cut off. No emails. No calls. No sms'. Just a whole lot of nothing. I have gone from confused to vexed to amused (see? I should NEVER act on crushes! whenever will I learn to listen to me???), back to pissed. Right now, I should be someplace between moving-on and moved-on.


I know he's going to come back into town, just swing in with some crap of an excuse, and try to hit off where he left off. That would make me think so much less of him (yes, that is still possible at this point), and will piss me off some more. My main issue is this: Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If he just wanted a passing amusement, heck, I'm princess of Flirtdom. Hang out, chill, (mostly) anything goes. But he cooked up so much stuffing and all that just turned into hot air. My problem here is that I'm left with all the thoughts and dreams.

Friggin pisser!

Anyhoos, I've been gingering myself not to dare give in to the "plausible explanation(s)" that may or may not come. On the whole, I mostly hope he just forgets all about me and keeps the heck to himself. More like keeps on not remembering me and just leave me be. That should be pretty much an easy thing for him, since he's done it so well the past month.

Jai Ho!

I'm finally on the other side of 08.04.09. While it wasn't a particularly long day, it was a long wait, and now, the interview is done and over with. All I gotta do is pray I don't hear from them inside of two weeks. Amen to that!

Lag has been fun. Well, at least the yesterday was. Moving around jobless with nothing to do but make a couple of deliverys and chill is fun. At least in small doses. Its reminiscent of being done with school for a while and being on holiday. Yay!

Glad I'm heading back home today tho. Back to work again tomorrow.... Darn thing eating into ma holiday!
there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home....

Monologue: Do Not Jump The Gun

Memo to self:
Until the condemned man has pegged, he is still not dead.


I think there may be more than just a little wisdom in keeping things to yourself till they are set in stone. Anything can change at any point in time, granted. Yet, is it really bad luck to declare ahead for what you want?


In a fit of wisdom, a sumbori once told me "You can't do the same thing over the same way and expect different results". As applicable to me, I think that would be "If it's going down the same road, it most likely will end up crashed into the wall at the end". Unless there's a detour of sorts ... .... So what I would be needing is a new variable in the mix (like I didn't know that already). And where variable is not forthcoming, you bring the mountain to it? entice it out of its hole? Or better yet, smoke it out! Choke that shege into action!!!


Lol.


Okay. But on the real, I need to stop over acting, and yet not sink into scheming.

Today I Met The Man I'm Gonna Marry.....

The girl is officially in Like.

He is soooooo cute. I could stare at his picture all day. I've just realised that I've so mostly shenked most of my "man friends" over the past month. lol!

I can't believe its just been a month. It feels longer. And I actually do want to spend all my time with him. Honestly, I strongly feel I should, at least while the feeling lasts, before he starts grating on my nerves with silly inconsequentials that shouldn't really matter.

*sigh*

Well, he's been gone a week, and I'm doing just fine. I know I won't realise how much I've missed him until we see. I'm actually contemplating pushing my leave till when next he gets off so I'm free. (Not like HE will be free for me sef. I should find a something to do with myself. A nice, leisurely, enjoyable something).