Another day

Pray. Breathe in. Breath out.

That's all I could make do Saturday night. This town can be larger than life sometimes, but when you really don't want it to be, it's amazing how tiny it can become.
I ran into my last object-of-my-affections while ordering dinner with friends. I don't know what I'd have done if I was on my own, or with the guys. I'm just so glad it was the girls I was out with. Turns out (obviously! *rolling eyes*) that I'm not quite over him like I believed. Wretched heart! How can I possibly still like him so much when he's treated me so terribly? Initially, it was just laughs, but the longer I was aware he was just right there across the room, the more I thought about it all, and my happiness just ... left. In retrospect, I can say if I'd gone home at that point, I'd probably have just sunk into some slight depression. Thank you LORD for your hand on my life.

Breathe in. Pray. Breath out.

I'm a sucker for romance, and I believe strongly in love. But quite frankly, the whole falling in love thing is a rather over-rated trip. Why on earth would I feel inclined to put myself out there again just to get wrung??? I truly begin to appreciate the wisdom of getting with a guy who is more into you than you are into him. For now, I'm content with simply trying not to bleed out.

*NEWS-IN-BRIEF*

Let's here it for the father! The ever-persistent-to-the-end rodent exterminator extraodinaire!!!!
Being the sharp bros that he is, his strategically placed sticky-pad nabbed the ever elusive scamperer in no time flat. Unfortunately, he was out of town, and I was late getting back from church, so the mother was all semi-hysterical with regards effective disposal, up until Xandra got in. Of course she (was thrilled at the then-current demise of Ratatat, yet she) refused to move it. Hushie was totally having none to do with it, and it fell upon Elisha, the handy handy-man to evict the unwanted guest, and take care of it accordingly - which he did by tossing it over the fence as soon as he was out the door (Mother observed the creature still in its sticky demise during her morning constitution the very next day).

Joy is us.

Gigi is back from the far beyond, and the wheels of wedding progress are fast speeding up towards late July. Eyah. It makes me so warm and fuzzy inside to see them together, so in lurve, about to tie the knot and make it official. It restores my faith in Menkind. Some.
My first proper on-the-train wedding. Can't hardly wait. May the Lord keep His shelter over your home and marriage all your days y'all!
XOXOXOXO

F.T.Lily, my love! I'm ever so glad of your (albeit brief) visit. Firstly, may I congratulate you on your weight. You've lost some, and you look great. Despite what you think. Keep it up. Looking forward to your coming back for Laura's do.

Return of the Rat

Vermin is back. And with a vengeance too.

I don't know what it is with this house, and the Rat thing. And this one is just sooo fully grown, and black and .... URGHHHHH!!!!! It's absolutely scandalous the way it just showed up and made itself right at home - helping itself to my avocadoes, tramping over my bed to get in next door (via the communal window - which was oh-so-dodgily constructed. Well, now I know how it may have gotten IN). Yet, I don't think anyone's as pissed at it right now as le Pere. Ratatat keep nicking his boxers, socks, shoelaces, hankerchiefs, etc, all freshly washed and/or ironed, and spread out on his bed to be put away. He actually stuck his hand under the tub and got some out. That was just gangster. I'd have let them go.

But back to the issue underfoot. (Yes, I really do crack myself up). How do we get rid of this issue for good?!?!?

Thanks goodness we're moving out come September.

On The Move

My prayer for now (among others) is that I find the way I should go forward along - not just spiritually, but in every way possible. I believe I've gotten an answer, but just not the lightening bolt written across the sky that I was half expecting. For the past two weeks, I've just been dawdling along. I truly must get my act together now. First step, make a list of everything whatever that I would like to get done by the end of this month and start working on it.

Dear Dr. OB was let go yesterday. I feel so strongly for him, yet its not something that came as a total surprise. I believe it's his time to move on to something better. Especially as his family number's going up by one soon.

Speaking of increasing world populations, what is with the (literally) out-of-this-world costs of education in this country?!? And at the primary level fa! 550K per term! For Creche too!!. That's almost 2mil per year. Is it because its ABJ? My fees as at Pry 5 was N770 (Granted, this was in 93, but even with inflation rates....). It would seem homeschooling is the way to go. Or very minimized childbearing. Which all in all works in my favour. Paying the equivalent of MSc fees for diapers, brunch snacks and Barney re-runs is beyond Looney.

Where's my Get-Up-And-Go Gone?

It has been brought to my attention that I have a serious discipline problem which I need to sort out. Discipline to not procrastinate. Discipline in my prayer life. Heck, discipline in my diet!

My applications are still not in yet because my reference letters (which I've been trying to get for the better part of 3 weeks) are pending, thanks to "NEPA" and "no diesel for generator". And now ASUU is on a 2-week strike. I would never have thought I would somehow be subject to that issue again. If only I had sorted that out since March. Hmmm....

My weight, my weight. Yes, it is quite removed from where it once was. Now I have to be extra hard on my eating. And exercising. It's ever so hard, being hard on one's self. Ah me! Whatever the case may be, my initial struggle shall not be in vain, so its buckle-down time.

Regarding my prayer life, my first impulse is to say "only the Lord can help me". But honestly, I'm just lazy. I have been given everything I need. I just need to apply myself.

All in all, I've cut a dissapointing figure thus far. I simply must change things else, nothing is going to come to me.

Mixed Emotions

FEELING YELLOW

Hilarity

(Def.): Watching the sparks fly as my parents, in conjunction with my great Aunt, try to hook Zandra up with Bitrus.

(Okay, that's not his real name, but its IS affilated to it. Narf!)

It all started one sunny afternoon, when Zandra calls me to steam off about how daddy dearest gave her number to Great Aunt, who passed it on to some "random guy" to hook up with. He called, she no pick, he called, she no pick, he call Aunty to report, who escalated is only so rapido to the Rents, who took it up with Zandra, who doesn't handle pressure so good, and had a mini-implosion.

In the end, after much scolding, repremanding, (on the part of the parents, which soooo did not help their case) and more placating and pyching (on our part, mostly cos I'm the one who gets an earful from the Rents when their way is not working), she finally went out for dinner. Turns out he is easy on the eye, has a good job, and is something smitten by Zandra. Of course she says she's not interested, but at least, I'm not the only one guilty of not "grabbing a good thing infront of me now". Ha!

FEELING GREEN

Traumatized

(Def.): Life-time marring which happens when you walk past your parents' room and see your daddy's hand on your mummy's ass.

Congratulations on being in the room. Now all you have to do is close the door.

FEELING BLUE

Sad

(Def.): Not wanting to get out of bed, off the couch, or generally move at all after finding out that I've gotten yet another school rejection.

Truly, I know it's all part of the job/school hunt, and I will obviously get more down-turns than acceptances, and there are people who have been job hunting for over 6 years with no success. I AM fortunate. I have a job, a rent-free abode, free food, (mostly) free car, and things. Lord I am thankful. Please help me to appreciate the blessings you have given me, and not dwell on what doesn't seem to be working out the way I would rather it did. Amen.

Lord, I'm still waiting on that job/chool/everything else. I know it will come.

Disappointed

(Def.): What I felt after my supposed "big brother" started hitting on me, and trying to get me to make out with him. (and that's putting it mildly).

How could he do that??? Well, I have my own share of the blame. I was just so comfortable with him, and its been years and years of that line of relating, I just never thought he would suddenly wake up one day and see that I'm not asexual after all. But even if.

And now I feel I've lost a friend.

Confused

(Def.): Wondering how on earth guys can be so selfish and cruel when it comes to female relations.

Honestly, it's a two-way thing, yes. Yet, I can only work with what I know. The whole Pisser-saga left me rather skewered, so I cannot even start to imagine how girls feel when they really start off with their hearts on their sleeves (which is terribly non-wise), get attached really fast, hop into bed with Bros, and wonder at how things go downhill suddenly.

I have to say, it doesn't help me get on with my life if (the same) friends keep asking me (repeatedly, each time we see) about him. "Has he called?" (No he still hasn't. That was an established fact eons ago. Yes, he sucks lemons.), "in fact, he's not worth it!" (No, he is not. So please help me not remember him for longer periods of time). And the most popular: "Did you shag him? Did you sleep with him?? I hope you guys didn't go all the way, else I will smash something on your behalf!". I truly do appreciate your rage on my behalf, and also all the females across the world, but no, I didn't. It was just the mercy of God, and I am so thankful I didn't, because I probably would still be in emotional Intensive Care at this point.

The latest cause of this? Furaira, somehow miraculously investigated and found out how long he's been back in town, how he's been seen with some female, how he's such a b*****d, how I better not call him. Girl, I am pro-active - deleting his numbers reduces the likelihood that I will call, and yeeees, he is obviously (as I gathered way back) Just Not Into Me. Let me let go.

Optimistic!

I dream of being a better person, more everyday whom Jesus knows I can be.

I dream of a world were we are more concerned about others, and less ourselves.

I dream of someday taking vows to walk with a man for the rest of my days. Love, Honour and Faithfulness. I dream of having someone to love, who will love me too, whose children I will have, with whom I will raise a family.

I dream of when I will be financially capable of providing for my parents, so they will have to think up new issues to worry about.

I have no special skill or talent (to the best of my knowledge). I am not amazingly intelligent or smart. What I do have is my God in my heart, and an ability to make others smile. I would share this with the world around me, and make it a brighter place.