Christmas Break In a Nutshell

It was the day before christmas, and all was quiet. Nary a creature stirred on the streets - unless of course you count those massive local rodents claiming "rat" which I've never seen alive; usually, they're stretched out on a stick, sun-dried, and sold as bush meat. They also tend to be bigger, and have no mental association whatsoever with sewage, filth, or epidemics, among other things.

Where was I? Yes, the streets empty of people. That could have been a function of several factors:
1) it being a public holiday on a long weekend so a good number of people had had a late night,
2) the merciless sun beating down its heat, which is in turn trapped by the layer of harmattan that's currently reigning supreme, or perhaps
3) the on-going fuel crisis which was recently further aggravated by the alleged oil-tanker-drivers'-restrike.
Only God can save us from ourselves. Heaven only knows why we don't let the local refineries function (Greed, maybe?). I understand it could be much worse, but really, it's so terrible the way things are currently. The Lord is our strength.
Spent the early afternoon putting up the final bits of xmas decor yet to go up (the timing was progressive. Two years back, we put the tree up on boxing day), the latter part was spent shopping for foodstuff to entertain the masses who would opt to refuse staying home and impose their society on me instead. Was rather beat by the end of that day.

Christmas Mass was fun! The choir was absent (as ususal) cos they were up for the Midnight mass, and the One-Lady Choir was notably not present either. I actually thought it was going to be a drag music-wise, but one of the alter boy-men persons handled the hymns and it was rather lively (he kept the tempo up. Amen for that!). Even the Mother was much impressed. Then there was cookfest. I can proudly say that I can now make Chinese fried rice. Woo hoo! And may I add that fried rice is actually nicer than Jambalaya. Or perhaps that one just tasted really nice. Of course I wasn't eating properly over the holiday - a consistent diet of next to no food, combined with tonnes of toffees, chocolate, ice-cream and cake. For shame, for shame. Tut tut tut.
*Possibly +1"?*

Myself & I then proceeded to unrepentantly sleep through the daylight hours of 26th & 27th. Even for me, that was new heights. And I still had no problem sleeping through the nights. My body's just so willingly acclimatized to extended sleep hours cos I woke up at 8:15am today and proceeded to be somewhat late for work. Its amazing how I was just lying there for so long subconciously waiting for Mumzy to come wake me up (who, by the way, is out of town). Meanwhile, it was so bright outside. I sha no try. But the sleep was sweet.
:D

I so did not want to resume work. Yet here we are. And Big Boss is trying to pull a wotsit on me, saying I should decide whether or not we should open this saturday. I must now diplomatically put my will (which is in line with everyone else's here. HELLO! No WORK!) such that the paper trail does not clearly lead back to me all by myself. I shall put the suggestion to all staff concerned, and decision will be made by joint consensus, at which point I shall report the minutes of the meeting to the Boss Man.

I crack myself up.

OPERATION: Less4"

Does the body proportion thing actually dictate that the neck measurement should be half your waist? Cos if it does, I've quite a bit of hanger-ons with long-time residency status'. Yet how exactly do I go about losing 4 inches from my midsection without turing unhealthy-waferlike (and I mean just that, not waife)???

After all this time, girl is still caught-up on her weight. Shall I ever outgrow this train of thinking? Xandra and co. all opine that I rather overdo it, but then, all I have to do is look at my family to know that I should not let myself get complacent with regards to my weight. And I know only how easy it is to pile on the pounds.

Ok. On to more "generally acceptable" things. I just may be going to SA for (part of) the World Cup. H*U*R*R*A*H!!!!! That is, if I have not started school yet (in Malay or Australia! God-willing!!!!). Life looking up some more? Amen to that.

Need I go into details of this year's Wedding Season? I've known at least one broom-jumper every week this month, sometimes two. And I'm seeing one or two possibilities for next year already. Eyah. More bliss to their elbows. As for myself, I wouldn't mind a sumbori, but it's something I can live without for now. Hopefully, one of the siblings will get hitched, and scratch the Parents' itch for evidence of "forward movement in that direction".

Tribal Marks

Fine Art (and Secondary School, as a whole) seems a lifetime away. And it is. Several actually, going by my "nephew and niece count" in between. I remember back in my SS1 taking a class on Ife Art, and that's when I found out scarification was used as a kind of tribal identikit. Kind of like H-factor for (some) Yorubas and pomposity for (a good number of) Ibos. Of course all this is going somewhere. I took out my weave sunday night and, in a bid to keep my naturality under wraps and still fulfil my employment obligations come monday, I did my head up in a "malo wrap". Coincidentally, the Saharan dust blew into town sunday night, so the whole wrap thing kept me and my hair tres happy. Tuesday saw an encore (yes, I was really feeling myself, and Mama lurves the new look) with favorable reviews, so I settled into it and started arranging my wardrobe around pashmina-colours available to me. Today I've been chatted up by an Aliyu, vocally appreciated by a Muhktar + one other, and generally eyed-up by some babariga-wearing clientelle (not to mention one dodgy Ibo man who started up pleading his case by trying to "help" me out with a proper job in my field. *eye-roooolllll* I'll save that one for a later day).

So my question is,
1) if I'm being chatted up on the basis of my appearance, why is my name not a deterrant? Considering I rapidly reveal myself to be not northern/muslim. Or does it just fall under Try-Your-Luck at that point?

2) Surely, I picked up one skill from Mx (if not a language) - a not so shabby wrap, eh?

...Hold my heart don't break it, It is yours....

My latest preoccupation? Farmville on facebook. I don't even know how it happened. Ok, yes I do. TwinB has been farming for a bit, and I used to tease her ever so much on how she'd panic about harvest times, and withered crop and such. Then I thought, 'what the heck, why not?', and now we check up on each others farms, chase off racoons, crows and foxes, and let each other know when our profit will not be so profitable. Take now for instance. I left my house (where no light was an additional motivation) at almost half 8, to swing by the office where I am now waiting on my harvest lest they perish, (and my money with it). I think it was more of trying for some damage control, and who do I run into here.? TwinB! Ha!! Admittedly, it's all kinds of silly, but it is still silly fun.

Talking about FB, its amazing how serious people take status updates - both the declarants, and the commenters. Back in school, to pass time, I'd sing along to songs in my head, and sometimes write out the lyrics. In this technologically updated era, why not apply that where possible? So I do sometimes update my status to the lyrics of what I'm currently listening to. Turns out there are repercussion, albeit amusing ones - from the past interest who feels inspired to console you some, to thec friends eager to know if time don land (which they will do with or without FB, yes), to aspirants who choose to interprete the world "positively, as applies to them". Seriously people. Like today, I bumped into my J. Holiday 'It is yours', and took a stroll down memory lane to a time when I had a crush on him (pre-enlightenment, of course. And maturity). Being the generous soul that I are, I decided to share my joy with the world at large, and updated a line onto my status bar. Good heavens. That's all I can say.

Oddly enough, the office is yet to close, thanks to tardy patients who just don't show up when they ought to. Or perhaps it's due to over generous doctors who take the staff's generosity and silence for granted as well. Whatever happened to all the "be considerate of all staff" that was gone on about during the last staff meeting??? Quite a number of disgruntled staff over here right now.

Vocabulaire Extrodinaire?

STRONG TIN. The Banky W. song. I must say, I do rather like the song. Its smooth, makes sense, the video is great all in all. But he should X-nay on the dancing. On the slang itself, its out there, but all over the place like LONG TIN. I myself use this one well. Especially of late with regards to the GRE I just wrote (which was the main reason for my protracted absence) and school applications on the whole. Education na long tin oh. Almost feels like it never ends. I remember some months back, when the long break commenced and school kids where all over town, I would wistfully long for a school-like timetable when I could have extended time-offs. Can't that be incorporated into work schedules?!? Kind of like rotation jobs. Then I began tutorials for the GRE and during my first class, all I could think off was "I paid to have this done to me???". You win some, you lose some, I suppose.

But I digress. Slangs.

The one making rounds now, which just absolutely irks my spirit is SWAGA. What. Tha. Heck? Firstly, how many people actually know what swagger is? Even a dictionary definition, or how it can/should be applied?? It reminds me of the last Maltina Street Dance Competition. There was this one all-girls group that made it past one of the first regional stages. In their interview, they were all about their style and swagger. Ha! My bro and his friends (as though by divine inspiration) recorded that particular showing (for retrospectal comedy purposes), and man did they use it for kicks. I shall not even go into the details of how they were so booted off in the next round. Sha, we are thankful to M.I.A and co. who added one more english word to our vocab.

Then there was 'P'. You know my P. The question must be asked - What precisely is the 'P'? Yes, we all got a general idea from Mr. Naetochukwu, but right now it is so seriously overcooked. Current applications in use include: Where's the P@? What's the P? How far with ma P? People please. Save our souls. And the braincells we still have in employ.

Beach Days

For a greater part of this week, I've been bathing at Manzini. The reason being, no running water at home. What on earth is going on in this town?!? We are sinking to Lagos standards very quickly (and quietly too). So everymorning, we troop out of the house into the Motos, armed with flip flops, towels, and buckets (amid other things). Whereforth art thou oh beach???

On thursday last, El padre did his thang, and moved the house (contents, of course) all by himself (and with some assistance from his beloved babe), a whole 24hours early. Imagine my surprise when I had to get moto from brova at the house for midweek service, and I saw my bed, dresser and other sturves settled in the new place already. And I said to myself: "Self, this has Mr. Valentine written alllll over this". Xandra's first concern was locating her Passport. I secondarily confirmed mine was still in my possession. After I had primarily confirmed that the money I left in my dresser was still mine, and located the money I left on the bedside thingy was still alive. Madre ever so kindly returned it to me (after hoping she had hit some mini-jackpot. Amen to that!)

So the girl has officially changed residency. Location not late-night-out-and-still-return-home-at-oddest-hours-compatible, but that cannot be helped. Will have to work my way around that. For now, one must dash to the airport, braving the wet roads and crater-holes, to pick man.

()

For morning when day break, lion go run, antelope go run. If lion no run pass antelope, im go starve. If antelope no run pass lion, im go die. Whichever one you be, day don break. May you begin run.

One of my father's many wise sayings is that women spend so much time getting ready because we have so much to choose from. If we had two shirts, a pair of pants, one skirt and a pair of flats, we wouldn't be so caught up all the time. While I beg to differ (as long as there is a variety - no matter how minimal, there will be indecisiveness), I get the point. Right now, I just may be suffering from far too much amorous attention. Why on earth am attracted to the ones I know I'm incompatible with and have no chance, and so indifferent to the (seemingly) perfect ones who seem to be crazy about me and just want to lavish me with attention, shopping and the likes???

Who Moved My Brain???

I kissed someone I ought not to have. Ok. I made out with him. And now I feel so ashamed of myself. I led him on, and I set myself up for potential failure, knowing fully well what my stand is (supposed to be) on pre-marital sex. What is it with me and this companionship-hunt anyways? I just seem to love defining the boundaries just so I can leap over it. An appealing solution is to quit dating altogether. Get to know the guys as friends, and move from there if I feel certain I'd like to pursue something more (should incase they are actually single at that given point). One of my many advisers reckons I should be considerate of where the guys are coming from too, and be a bit flexible with my principles. How then, is one flexible on a subject you either do or don't? I don't buy.

So here I am for now, trying to critically analyse my every move and motive. Sipping on my Mango Tea and trying to breathe around my chronic sinusitis.

Seeking New Pathways

What exactly is the definition of giving up? And just how fine or broad is the line between the aforementioned and opting for a different direction/approach/view on things?

After receiving my penultimate school rejection (5th of 6), I informed the Mother that I wouldn't be applying to anymore schools, as I felt it was time for me to look into improving my educational lot in other fields (IT? I think not. Hooking up with Xandra's Sewing Set-up-shop dream? Plausible, feasible. Anthing else? Ummm...). She is of the opinion that I'm giving up. I insist I'm simply looking for alternate route to the same end. See, my Life Plan dictates that I be financially independent of my husband. (Version 1.0 dictated that I be married/at least engaged at this point of my life. This has, of course been subsequently updated and modified severally). I had dreamt of actually making good use of my degree, but if that isn't working out, I figure there is more than one road to Oz.

***Of course I'm still applying to more schools against next year again (Year3. Lord, please help me to get a start-off, or find my way). But at least I was able to draw the line at 4 US schools, and 1 Australian***

I have also decided to apply my newly procured bit of wisdom to other areas of my life, where applicable. After much resistance, imploration, persuation, abusation and other such, I have finally relented and consented to give Bob a try. Calm down, calm down. I'm still me, so its going as a 6-week try-out. To this end, I made a trip to Las Gidi to spend the weekend. I find I still don't know how to relate with him outside third parties - which is just weird, because we talk just fine everyday on the phone. (Or he calls everyday). I wasn't planning on alerting him to my current stand, yet like more-or-less every male I know, he's been trying his luck, and seems to have well-adapted to my newly available forthcomingness. I must say, the whole intensity of his liking is rather whelming. Yet, I made a decision, so I fought against my impulses to draw my hand away when he tried to hold it (which was like on the hour, every hour), move my feet away, let him know his staring at me is discomfiting (ok, I did mention that one to him), etc etc. Day 1 was not so hot, and Miss Chaperone was strongly on my case (Was I supposed to be along with him all weekend??? Ha!). So I prayed, and played nice on Day 2. He was much happy, so was Chaperone-ji, and I kept praying for perseverance and steadfastness. Yesterday eve, just when I noticed he hadn't called me, and was making some effort to not crowd me in (Kudos to him), he called. (Rescinding prior appraisal). But I realise that if I actually was into him from the get-go, all these would not be issues at all. Rather, I'd be basking in all the adoration, so I'm taking a deep breath, and making for an open mind.

Wish me luck.

*UPDATE*

Yet another school rejection. Oh well! Life goes on.

Was sent a link to an ad inviting applications for trainee helicopter pilots. As it is, flying has been a long-going underG career thought of mine which has been recently resurrected - still on the low though - flight schools cost anything between 6M - 17M, depending on location and specification. So you can imagine my joy and excitement! It was like "Lord, is this a sign???" I'm almost afraid to believe it is, but worried that it won't work out if its not. Sent in my application two days back - against minimal odds. It turns out the postal service is on strike (I really need to start watching more local news, and less international), and the family is not too keen on that career path. Caty was all about the death statistics (which apply more to fixed wings as opposed to helicopters, but she wouldn't listen to me at that point anyhoos), and my mother's actually actively praying along the lines of my not getting the job. I really could use some support on my side. So I hurried in my application before I changed my mind to please mummy.

Hung out with a couple of Bob's friends yesterday. It would seem he has told them only so much about me. Much too much infact. Wifehalf of the happy couple kept going on about how excited she is that I'm going to be part of their "couple clique", and wanting to know if the date was going to be this year or early next year. Among other things. All I could think was "what on EARTH has he been telling them about me????". I mean we aren't even dating for pete's sake. If I wasn't so tickled (inside) at the time, I would have said something, cos I was strongly fighting the urge to blurt.

*sigh*

Whatever am I getting myself into?

Finally got a grip on my binging (with divine intervention, of course). It was like I was on some crazy see-food diet. And now, I find i'm not hungry, but I wouldn't mind a little something-something. Now I know what Sandra Bullock felt like in Miss Congeniality. Speaking of her, watched "The Proposal" yesterday (with Said Couple) for the second time. Firstly, that is the most serious I've seen Ryan Reynolds. Secondly, he has one HOOOTTTT bod underneath it all. Though for the life of me, I can't figure out how Mz. Bullock managed to get through the no-clothes scene. Ewww!!!!

2 weeks and counting to The Wedding. I've got 3 outfit changes in one day! And I'm not the bride!! Slipper hunting is not working in my favour. Dang.

Memo to Self: Must get the father to commit physically to my Look-Fab-On-D-day Trustfund.

Not-quite-hunger may not be the ish, but it certainly keeps you alert.

Up! Up!! Up!!!

Finally started my Confirmation classes. To God be the glory. Now my mother is resting in the knowledge that I will be married in the Catholic Church after all. *rolling my eyes to the heavens!!!*

The whole mixed with kids thing is not kusher, admittedly, but I had to zero my mind to that one considering this has been pending since I was 14 (at which point I even thought I was rather old to be in the classes. Oh that I could then see myself now). And Brother Paul is ever so excited about/determined to privately coach me into catching up with the class (hence my very tight schedule today - I must make that aerobics class oh!). I must say, I am glad that I'm having the class now at this point, because one of the catechist (while I admire his zeal and all) is so shoving all the teachings and catechism into the kids heads. They'll know the whys' without understanding or believing (which is reminiscent of the current educational system.... hmmm). I did have questions to ask, but for the sake of his BP and peace with the children, I held my peace for private discussion - possibly with another catechist, or a preist. DEFINITELY not him.

Half way through the last class though, the "elders" were moved aside for a seperate class and I found I rather enjoyed. There are the dogmas and teachings, but she (Sister Ann) did give room for expression of personal opinions and thoughts. I was much motivated, and find I'm looking forward to the next class. I hope she makes it.

My happi-mones are in hyperdrive this week so far, and I'm riding on a joy-high. It is the Lord's doing, and it is most definitely marvelous in my sight.

My heart praises the Lord;
my soul is glad because of God my Saviour,
for he has remembered me, his lowly servant!
From now on, all people will call me happy....

Magnificat.
Luke 1:46-48

Another day

Pray. Breathe in. Breath out.

That's all I could make do Saturday night. This town can be larger than life sometimes, but when you really don't want it to be, it's amazing how tiny it can become.
I ran into my last object-of-my-affections while ordering dinner with friends. I don't know what I'd have done if I was on my own, or with the guys. I'm just so glad it was the girls I was out with. Turns out (obviously! *rolling eyes*) that I'm not quite over him like I believed. Wretched heart! How can I possibly still like him so much when he's treated me so terribly? Initially, it was just laughs, but the longer I was aware he was just right there across the room, the more I thought about it all, and my happiness just ... left. In retrospect, I can say if I'd gone home at that point, I'd probably have just sunk into some slight depression. Thank you LORD for your hand on my life.

Breathe in. Pray. Breath out.

I'm a sucker for romance, and I believe strongly in love. But quite frankly, the whole falling in love thing is a rather over-rated trip. Why on earth would I feel inclined to put myself out there again just to get wrung??? I truly begin to appreciate the wisdom of getting with a guy who is more into you than you are into him. For now, I'm content with simply trying not to bleed out.

*NEWS-IN-BRIEF*

Let's here it for the father! The ever-persistent-to-the-end rodent exterminator extraodinaire!!!!
Being the sharp bros that he is, his strategically placed sticky-pad nabbed the ever elusive scamperer in no time flat. Unfortunately, he was out of town, and I was late getting back from church, so the mother was all semi-hysterical with regards effective disposal, up until Xandra got in. Of course she (was thrilled at the then-current demise of Ratatat, yet she) refused to move it. Hushie was totally having none to do with it, and it fell upon Elisha, the handy handy-man to evict the unwanted guest, and take care of it accordingly - which he did by tossing it over the fence as soon as he was out the door (Mother observed the creature still in its sticky demise during her morning constitution the very next day).

Joy is us.

Gigi is back from the far beyond, and the wheels of wedding progress are fast speeding up towards late July. Eyah. It makes me so warm and fuzzy inside to see them together, so in lurve, about to tie the knot and make it official. It restores my faith in Menkind. Some.
My first proper on-the-train wedding. Can't hardly wait. May the Lord keep His shelter over your home and marriage all your days y'all!
XOXOXOXO

F.T.Lily, my love! I'm ever so glad of your (albeit brief) visit. Firstly, may I congratulate you on your weight. You've lost some, and you look great. Despite what you think. Keep it up. Looking forward to your coming back for Laura's do.

Return of the Rat

Vermin is back. And with a vengeance too.

I don't know what it is with this house, and the Rat thing. And this one is just sooo fully grown, and black and .... URGHHHHH!!!!! It's absolutely scandalous the way it just showed up and made itself right at home - helping itself to my avocadoes, tramping over my bed to get in next door (via the communal window - which was oh-so-dodgily constructed. Well, now I know how it may have gotten IN). Yet, I don't think anyone's as pissed at it right now as le Pere. Ratatat keep nicking his boxers, socks, shoelaces, hankerchiefs, etc, all freshly washed and/or ironed, and spread out on his bed to be put away. He actually stuck his hand under the tub and got some out. That was just gangster. I'd have let them go.

But back to the issue underfoot. (Yes, I really do crack myself up). How do we get rid of this issue for good?!?!?

Thanks goodness we're moving out come September.

On The Move

My prayer for now (among others) is that I find the way I should go forward along - not just spiritually, but in every way possible. I believe I've gotten an answer, but just not the lightening bolt written across the sky that I was half expecting. For the past two weeks, I've just been dawdling along. I truly must get my act together now. First step, make a list of everything whatever that I would like to get done by the end of this month and start working on it.

Dear Dr. OB was let go yesterday. I feel so strongly for him, yet its not something that came as a total surprise. I believe it's his time to move on to something better. Especially as his family number's going up by one soon.

Speaking of increasing world populations, what is with the (literally) out-of-this-world costs of education in this country?!? And at the primary level fa! 550K per term! For Creche too!!. That's almost 2mil per year. Is it because its ABJ? My fees as at Pry 5 was N770 (Granted, this was in 93, but even with inflation rates....). It would seem homeschooling is the way to go. Or very minimized childbearing. Which all in all works in my favour. Paying the equivalent of MSc fees for diapers, brunch snacks and Barney re-runs is beyond Looney.

Where's my Get-Up-And-Go Gone?

It has been brought to my attention that I have a serious discipline problem which I need to sort out. Discipline to not procrastinate. Discipline in my prayer life. Heck, discipline in my diet!

My applications are still not in yet because my reference letters (which I've been trying to get for the better part of 3 weeks) are pending, thanks to "NEPA" and "no diesel for generator". And now ASUU is on a 2-week strike. I would never have thought I would somehow be subject to that issue again. If only I had sorted that out since March. Hmmm....

My weight, my weight. Yes, it is quite removed from where it once was. Now I have to be extra hard on my eating. And exercising. It's ever so hard, being hard on one's self. Ah me! Whatever the case may be, my initial struggle shall not be in vain, so its buckle-down time.

Regarding my prayer life, my first impulse is to say "only the Lord can help me". But honestly, I'm just lazy. I have been given everything I need. I just need to apply myself.

All in all, I've cut a dissapointing figure thus far. I simply must change things else, nothing is going to come to me.

Mixed Emotions

FEELING YELLOW

Hilarity

(Def.): Watching the sparks fly as my parents, in conjunction with my great Aunt, try to hook Zandra up with Bitrus.

(Okay, that's not his real name, but its IS affilated to it. Narf!)

It all started one sunny afternoon, when Zandra calls me to steam off about how daddy dearest gave her number to Great Aunt, who passed it on to some "random guy" to hook up with. He called, she no pick, he called, she no pick, he call Aunty to report, who escalated is only so rapido to the Rents, who took it up with Zandra, who doesn't handle pressure so good, and had a mini-implosion.

In the end, after much scolding, repremanding, (on the part of the parents, which soooo did not help their case) and more placating and pyching (on our part, mostly cos I'm the one who gets an earful from the Rents when their way is not working), she finally went out for dinner. Turns out he is easy on the eye, has a good job, and is something smitten by Zandra. Of course she says she's not interested, but at least, I'm not the only one guilty of not "grabbing a good thing infront of me now". Ha!

FEELING GREEN

Traumatized

(Def.): Life-time marring which happens when you walk past your parents' room and see your daddy's hand on your mummy's ass.

Congratulations on being in the room. Now all you have to do is close the door.

FEELING BLUE

Sad

(Def.): Not wanting to get out of bed, off the couch, or generally move at all after finding out that I've gotten yet another school rejection.

Truly, I know it's all part of the job/school hunt, and I will obviously get more down-turns than acceptances, and there are people who have been job hunting for over 6 years with no success. I AM fortunate. I have a job, a rent-free abode, free food, (mostly) free car, and things. Lord I am thankful. Please help me to appreciate the blessings you have given me, and not dwell on what doesn't seem to be working out the way I would rather it did. Amen.

Lord, I'm still waiting on that job/chool/everything else. I know it will come.

Disappointed

(Def.): What I felt after my supposed "big brother" started hitting on me, and trying to get me to make out with him. (and that's putting it mildly).

How could he do that??? Well, I have my own share of the blame. I was just so comfortable with him, and its been years and years of that line of relating, I just never thought he would suddenly wake up one day and see that I'm not asexual after all. But even if.

And now I feel I've lost a friend.

Confused

(Def.): Wondering how on earth guys can be so selfish and cruel when it comes to female relations.

Honestly, it's a two-way thing, yes. Yet, I can only work with what I know. The whole Pisser-saga left me rather skewered, so I cannot even start to imagine how girls feel when they really start off with their hearts on their sleeves (which is terribly non-wise), get attached really fast, hop into bed with Bros, and wonder at how things go downhill suddenly.

I have to say, it doesn't help me get on with my life if (the same) friends keep asking me (repeatedly, each time we see) about him. "Has he called?" (No he still hasn't. That was an established fact eons ago. Yes, he sucks lemons.), "in fact, he's not worth it!" (No, he is not. So please help me not remember him for longer periods of time). And the most popular: "Did you shag him? Did you sleep with him?? I hope you guys didn't go all the way, else I will smash something on your behalf!". I truly do appreciate your rage on my behalf, and also all the females across the world, but no, I didn't. It was just the mercy of God, and I am so thankful I didn't, because I probably would still be in emotional Intensive Care at this point.

The latest cause of this? Furaira, somehow miraculously investigated and found out how long he's been back in town, how he's been seen with some female, how he's such a b*****d, how I better not call him. Girl, I am pro-active - deleting his numbers reduces the likelihood that I will call, and yeeees, he is obviously (as I gathered way back) Just Not Into Me. Let me let go.

Optimistic!

I dream of being a better person, more everyday whom Jesus knows I can be.

I dream of a world were we are more concerned about others, and less ourselves.

I dream of someday taking vows to walk with a man for the rest of my days. Love, Honour and Faithfulness. I dream of having someone to love, who will love me too, whose children I will have, with whom I will raise a family.

I dream of when I will be financially capable of providing for my parents, so they will have to think up new issues to worry about.

I have no special skill or talent (to the best of my knowledge). I am not amazingly intelligent or smart. What I do have is my God in my heart, and an ability to make others smile. I would share this with the world around me, and make it a brighter place.

Time Off

Birthday is on the horizon... 2 weeks and counting. Also going down as the first day of my leave. Let's hear it for the breaks!!!!!


Since my last (two) update(s), I have:
a) Not been taken for the job for which I underwent an interview. Things happen, life goes on. It was just God's grace that I moved on the way I did, for all my hopes and plans in this one. Even I was amazed.
b) Have reconcluded that guys (and humans in general, of course) are just selfish asses.

Conclusion of b) came by due to the lack of communication on the part of the said nigga whom i was supposed to be all crushed up about (and boy, did that clear fast). See: Today I met the Boy I'm Gonna Marry. Thanking God for his mercies, I won't be marrying him anytime soon, if ever. The source of my greivance? There I was, minding my business, not asking for anyone's time or issues (tho, of course, a girl does enjoy attention). He came along, expressed his intentions, got me all interested and rose-tint eyed, then proceeded to leave town and just cut off. No emails. No calls. No sms'. Just a whole lot of nothing. I have gone from confused to vexed to amused (see? I should NEVER act on crushes! whenever will I learn to listen to me???), back to pissed. Right now, I should be someplace between moving-on and moved-on.


I know he's going to come back into town, just swing in with some crap of an excuse, and try to hit off where he left off. That would make me think so much less of him (yes, that is still possible at this point), and will piss me off some more. My main issue is this: Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If he just wanted a passing amusement, heck, I'm princess of Flirtdom. Hang out, chill, (mostly) anything goes. But he cooked up so much stuffing and all that just turned into hot air. My problem here is that I'm left with all the thoughts and dreams.

Friggin pisser!

Anyhoos, I've been gingering myself not to dare give in to the "plausible explanation(s)" that may or may not come. On the whole, I mostly hope he just forgets all about me and keeps the heck to himself. More like keeps on not remembering me and just leave me be. That should be pretty much an easy thing for him, since he's done it so well the past month.

Jai Ho!

I'm finally on the other side of 08.04.09. While it wasn't a particularly long day, it was a long wait, and now, the interview is done and over with. All I gotta do is pray I don't hear from them inside of two weeks. Amen to that!

Lag has been fun. Well, at least the yesterday was. Moving around jobless with nothing to do but make a couple of deliverys and chill is fun. At least in small doses. Its reminiscent of being done with school for a while and being on holiday. Yay!

Glad I'm heading back home today tho. Back to work again tomorrow.... Darn thing eating into ma holiday!
there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home....

Monologue: Do Not Jump The Gun

Memo to self:
Until the condemned man has pegged, he is still not dead.


I think there may be more than just a little wisdom in keeping things to yourself till they are set in stone. Anything can change at any point in time, granted. Yet, is it really bad luck to declare ahead for what you want?


In a fit of wisdom, a sumbori once told me "You can't do the same thing over the same way and expect different results". As applicable to me, I think that would be "If it's going down the same road, it most likely will end up crashed into the wall at the end". Unless there's a detour of sorts ... .... So what I would be needing is a new variable in the mix (like I didn't know that already). And where variable is not forthcoming, you bring the mountain to it? entice it out of its hole? Or better yet, smoke it out! Choke that shege into action!!!


Lol.


Okay. But on the real, I need to stop over acting, and yet not sink into scheming.

Today I Met The Man I'm Gonna Marry.....

The girl is officially in Like.

He is soooooo cute. I could stare at his picture all day. I've just realised that I've so mostly shenked most of my "man friends" over the past month. lol!

I can't believe its just been a month. It feels longer. And I actually do want to spend all my time with him. Honestly, I strongly feel I should, at least while the feeling lasts, before he starts grating on my nerves with silly inconsequentials that shouldn't really matter.

*sigh*

Well, he's been gone a week, and I'm doing just fine. I know I won't realise how much I've missed him until we see. I'm actually contemplating pushing my leave till when next he gets off so I'm free. (Not like HE will be free for me sef. I should find a something to do with myself. A nice, leisurely, enjoyable something).

Indifference

I had a friend once mention that the one thing that scared him about his girl was her indifference to a lot of things. Things didn't quite work out between the two of them, but I can see where he's coming from. There was this one guy who I had a date with one evening. I was closing late that night and the plan was he'd come get me from my office. He was a half hour late and I didn't even blink. I didn't call him to find out where he was - in either a worried or aggravated mode. Instead, I simply left. I actually saw him drive into the premises just as I got out the building, but my reaction was to duck out of sight, speed out of the gate, and switch off my phone.
I thought about what I'd just done as I walked on looking for a taxi home, and I remembered the said friend. I was indifferent. And I felt for the poor guy (who, apparently, had a moto break down, and was too preoccupied with fixing to call) who I had welshed on (really, it was to watch a match, which he would still do without me - he even came with a guy buddy to get me, so no biggie).

I wonder about all my 5-minute crushes, and these days I find I think more of the poor (? are they really?) guys and how I just might be a tad selfish. I mean, by the end of our first hang out, I may not know for sure, but I will be well aware of the (un)likelyhood of our making it into dating. But hey, I enjoy the attention, and they seem happy to dish, so I can enjoy it all while my beauty lasts right? In my defense, my conscience won't let me be, so most times I actually do get round to mentioning that it's not going to happen. No wait. What DOES happen is that I mention they won't be getting none ever in the near future seeing as I'm not into pre-marital sex, and then enjoy the leftover attention as I watch their ardour cool off as they slowly come to the comprehesion that NO, I'm not playing hard to get, and YES, if no-sex is an issue for them (which it always is, so far) they will not be making any head-way with me.
I think I'm actually in a 50/50 expectancy phase these days, cos I know there are guys out there who are christian, who strive to be faithful to the LORD's precepts in all its entirety, but really, where are they?!? Or perhaps there's something about my demeanour or counternance that is not calling to what I'm looking for... Or I'm looking for the wrong things?

Zandra's of the opinion that I just hide behind the crushes for whatever reason. What can I say, I'm just not feeling the guys? And she's very determined to see me "not blow it" with whoever, as long as I sha get to meet and acknowledge that I like any one guy. Most up front contender right now is Bami. He's been around for ever, and has just not made any verbal commitment. These days however, he's getting somewhat huggy, hand-holdingish-for-ever-so-brief-many-moments. In his favour, I'm not indifferent to him. But I'm not exactly enthralled either. On one hand, I know reality don't work with the music, and people singing and dancing on the streets, but I think I'm still holding out for even if its a little part of that. Getting with Bami will be more of "Okay, he's alright, and we get along, so I'll just move with the flow and see how it works out". Its a pretty common place choice, and he's rather nice.

On the other side, I met me another sumbori. His name's Asuquo (I know, I know. But then, the whole book cover judgement thing, ya?). He made a funny right off the bat, so he had my attention. We had a lunch which was fun, and there's possibly another outing in the offing. Unfortunately, he's into the whole 6 weeks on/off work scenario, so that could be a bummer, but we could be great hang-out buddies, yeah?

....

I've learnt that it is SO SO much easier to judge people in certain circumstances, until we find ourselves in them. Being caught up on the "other side" has taught me to be more considerate of people's strengths, or their lack thereof.

But all the same, why does it come so easy to point the finger? Read up a blog earlier which had some comments on Ini Edo, and some people commenting on her "runs"essness. Firstly, I didn't even know that, but then that's history. So YES, "such" girls get married first. YES they get good husbands, and YES the allegedly good ones tend to be left behind being bitter about why they're still single yet. Quite frankly, if you're going to harp on about the situation and not invest your energies in a more profitable fashion, then go figure.

In summary, judge not that ye may not be found wanting by your own standards. I know my sins, and quite frankly, we should all be more conscious of our own short-comings, and work on them instead, that we may not all end up in Hell.

Be My True Love (for the day???)

When you really get down to thinking about it, the concept of expressing the depth of your amour and the violence of your affections specifically once a year is rather silly. Any day is as good as the next. So why wait?

Ok, I am well aware that my commentary is rather trite, especially along the lines of "Valentine's is sooooo overrated". I go more with "Valentine's is soooo overdone". You should see the decor in my office. It's all rather pretty though, I must say.

So again, I got another bouquet. Red roses this time. Very pretty too, and they smell nice. Which is a step-up from last year's bouquet. Mixed flowers (no idea of the names) and the smell reminded me of toilet freshner. While that may seem harsh on the sender, keep in mind that air freshners aim to mimic the smells their different flavours are supposed to be on about, so that's a complement really. Depending on your perspectives.

Anyhoos, I'm mid-contemplation of selling it to Dr. Fey, but we still haggling on the price. Really, sender won't know that I didn't keep it, and if I do, it'll just wilt after all is said and done. Not exactly like I'm motivated to keep the darn thing anyways. I believe the accompanying card read something to the effect of: "Despite your flaws, here are 7 roses for the girl whom I consider perfect (for him, of course. What about me?!?). What a to-do, what a to-do. I could do with the extra cash though....

Speaking of which, people seem to tip more on such days. Or perhaps I'm not so un-easy on the eyes afterall. Whatever the case may be, I reckon I've accrued enough to last me through next week.

Halleluyah!

?

Do I have an innate desire to continually hurt myself? Hold myself back?? Not progress??? Irrespective of appearances, I only fool myself if I crawl forward, and then run back at the slightest invitation.

To be free, and truly free indeed. What more could anyone ask for? To love and be loved in return. To love those who love you. More importantly, to love those who do not return the favour.

The LORD is my refuge and my strength.

Together Again

There we were, all seated around the table. Laughing our heads off. It felt really nice to have (most of) the crew back together again. Can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

It's almost amazing how influencial friends can be in your life. I found myself contemplating things and people which I never would have on a good day. When I got back home, it was like a veil had been lifted off my mind. Jumping men? Really?!? As if.

Another year has come and gone, and Valentine is down the road once more. Fortunately for moi, I will be off that weekend, so I'm thinking I'll catch up on all those movies which I've been piling up since last year. Its amusing how its mostly assumed that I'm so fully booked, I'm practically collapsing under the weight of all my appointments for the day. Don't i just wish. However, what I DO wish is for not to get any flowers. SERIOUSLY!!!! I am so backed up for cash right now, I promise anything that's not edible (and I can only eat so much) WILL be a waste. So please, give me money (or ask me first). So far, this saturday looks to be just me, my music and books. And movies, of course. And Lee's beading expedition. And the block-work masses. Can't forget them. {Joy}.

There's this Fred Hammond song "Give me a clean Heart", which I am sooooo loving right now. I can really relate to the lyrics, and it just ... speaks out to me. And I'm sure, if i keep listening to it non-stop for another evening, Dr. Fey is going to have an aneurism. *smiling*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqI_K2RC7pU

M'Lady doth do Obsess

New year {good. Thank you Lord}. New resolutions {also good}. New challenges and plans {working on those organization skills. progress}. New fixations and methods of doing one's self in? {not so hot}.

I am single and scanning. That translates to me not seeking hard or searching, but being open. I find that I'm becoming a frequent recepient of companionship-twinges. Ever so now and then, I do wonder how soon it'll be that I meet a someone. Why does he tarry so? Is he meandering? am I meandering? how does one go about getting the road map, so expedite the meeting? Is he a good kisser? I'd much like to kiss him. And snuggling up to sleep next to someone is a nice feeling.

Maybe its the upcoming wedding season galloping towards me. Or all the people that just seem to be getting married all of a sudden. Whatever the case may be, I think i'm getting the point/pinch of the whole companionship thing.

*sigh*